I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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