The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
