My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
