yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
