Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
