All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
