don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
