I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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