I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
