My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
