I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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