it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
