i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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