I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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