Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
