He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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