can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
