I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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