He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
why is half of my head shaved?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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