Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
