if i can run in heels then i can drive
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
