Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were trust falling into bushes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
