last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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