Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
home. puking in laundry basket.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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