stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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