I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
