dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
