The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
