Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
