Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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