dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize