fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sex in a hospital.. check
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
