i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize