just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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