he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
