Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
