Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just tell him i said nine months
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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