how can u be prego again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
