i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
