I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
