I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
