bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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