No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
