Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
