I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just gargled with NyQuil
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