I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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