Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
