Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
