so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
