youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i already hear my dad disowning me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
