apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i now understand why vodka
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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