Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
