I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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