ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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