I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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