he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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