My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
