Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
