I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
