I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
