I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
