Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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