Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
