I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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