I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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