Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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