If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
