nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
