we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sarcasm needs its own font
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
