I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
