you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
