Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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