i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
