she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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