I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a hot homeless man
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
