he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize
