Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
