oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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