Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
