Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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