I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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