Can i not drive my cunt home
I just gift wrapped bread.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize