No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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