So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
