stop calling my apartment porn island.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
