why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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