How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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