When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
