I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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