lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
