I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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