That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is Oprah even human
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
