wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
