i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
