I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
