chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
