i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
