3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
