I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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