worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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