I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize