I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
