Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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