getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize