oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
