why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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