I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
