It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
