Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
